PREPARING FOR HIS RETURN

The calendar tells me that it has been two years since we took our oldest child and only son to the MTC to serve a two year mission in Sacramento California. I know what the calendar says but my brain and my heart refuse to believe that the time has really gone by and the year is correct. Don't get me wrong-----I am excited to have our son home, I just can't believe how quickly those two years went by. As a mother sends off her first missionary, you wonder if the time will drag on or will it fly by on wings of lightening. Well, I am here to tell you that the time just rushed on so quickly that it's hard to believe that we will be welcoming our missionary home in 11 days. But who is counting? Me!!! I have such mixed feelings about having a son return from full time service as a missionary. A friend explained the experience as a really good book. You love reading it and you are so involved in the story and the adventures taking place that you don't want it to end. You just want it to go on and on and on. But how would you know how great it will be unless you come to the end. I know that James needs to come home and get on with his life but I guess that is the part that I have a hard time with. I know this is what we have raised our children to do---to be independent---but that means that they won't need me anymore and they will have their own lives. I have loved reading the missionary letters and enjoyed the phone calls at Christmas and Mother's Day. I have cried tears over missing him and feeling sad at his struggles with investigators and companions. I have triumphed along with him when he has seen people change and be baptized. I was thrilled when he finally got to do the actual baptism of an investigator he had grown to love. I pondered over the lessons he was learning and the growth in his testimony that was taking place. I loved seeing the leader in him come out when asked to be a district leader, zone leader, office Elder, and trainer. I cried when I read about his last testimony at his last zone conference. I cried reading every letter out loud to my parents. I laughed at his comical way of telling about his funny adventures and experiences with missionaries or investigators. I worried when he broke his hand playing basketball and then later injuring his ankle and wearing a boot for six weeks. I prayed and prayed for his success and he had success not only with people to teach and baptize but success in his own conversion of the Gospel. I worried about him being on a bike and people not seeing him on the road. I was grateful when he was riding in a car but sometimes that isn't much safer. I rejoiced when President Lewis was able to return to California after suffering a terrible illness. I knew that James had grown to love this man so much and would be sad if he couldn't have his exit interview with him. I loved the times that James and I could have a chat sessions on email and just ask questions and get answers immediately. I cry when I read that James isn't ready to come home because he is just now realizing what it means to be a good missionary. I cry thinking about the big choices he will have to make upon his return home. I cry thinking about him taking off that name tag that reads: Elder Blair. I am happy thinking about hugging him and looking into those big blue eyes of his and telling him that I love him----face to face. I am thankful that I have a son returning from a honorable mission. I feel so blessed to be James' mom. I am happy that we have so many wonderful things to look forward to in the years to come with James. I am happy that I will always be his mom and I believe that he will always need me. Welcome Home Elder Blair!!!!!!