BROKEN THINGS

I have decided that the Lord loves broken things because He loves me. And I have felt very broken lately. My knee is still pretty painful for me--especially at night. I keep wondering how long it will take before I feel "normal" again. It hasn't even been two weeks yet and I expect so much of myself.

I know that the Lord loves broken things because He called me to be the Stake Young Women's President in our stake. I am excited and so humbled by this calling. I know that I have a purpose in being called at this time---maybe it is just to strengthen me spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I am working hard on putting myself back together again with His help. Physical therapy takes hard work in building back my muscles. Repentance takes hard work in building up my spiritual muscles. Both must be done and I will work hard so that I don't fail at either one.
I just get so frustrated with myself and wish that I could change things over night. I just need to have faith, patience and trust in the Lord. For in the strength of the Lord, I can accomplish all things. And I truly need His strength.

RECOVERY IS HARD!!!

Having surgery is no fun and recovery is even less fun. I had forgotten all the things I really didn't like about recovering from surgery. I feel so helpless and useless. I can't sleep very good at night because I can sleep in only one position---that gets old really fast. There is just the whole process of healing that is painful and uncomfortable. But I know that I have to experience these things so that I can look forward to the days when I can bend and move the way I used to. And then there are the good things about recovery, too. It has been such a blessing to have Michael home with me. He has taken such good care of me and the girls. It was so hard to have him leave me to go back to work today. He has been such a bright spot through this whole ordeal---I couldn't have done it without him. Kae Lee and Brynna have been so good, also. They have had to do more than their usual share of things but they have done it without complaint. People have been so kind to bring us food and offer rides to therapy. So I guess you have to take the good with the bad during these difficult times. I will get through all of this and I will hopefully be better and stronger than before---in many ways.

BEING A GOOD PATIENT

I have wonderful neighbors and friends who have brought over food for our family while I am down with this surgery. I have such a hard time accepting things from others. I would much rather be on the giving side than on the receiving side. I don't know why that is but I just don't like people having to do things for me. But, since I am not able of doing much for myself right now, I have to have the help of others.

I had the surgery at the Mount Ogden Surgical Center. I had to be there at 10:45 yesterday morning and we didn't get home until 4;30 last night. Everything went just fine. I just don't like getting the IV put in me---that just stings like crazy. Doctor Byck found things to be much worse than he thought once he got inside my knee. I had a torn meniscus which he repaired, my knee cap was resting on bone, I have so much arthritis in there that there isn't much cushion for my knee cap to rest on even when it is aligned in the right place. He told Michael that I will have to have knee replacement probably much sooner than we had thought. But I am going to stay optimistic, do what the doctor ordered and let Michael and the girls help me. I have got to learn to be a good patient so that I can get back on my feet and be serving those who might need my help.

PREPARING FOR SURGERY

Having surgery is certainly not any fun and I for one would rather pass on having this one done. But I know that I will regret it if I don't have the doctor work on improving the mobility of my knee. I have had such angst over having this surgery and on Saturday it just consumed my thinking. I just wanted to go and run somewhere with my legs flying and feeling my body breathing hard from a good run. I have really missed my days of a good hard workout and moving my body in a way that I can't right now because of my broken body. I look forward to being free to do whatever I want to without worrying about hurting my knee or my shoulder. I just feel so trapped with the lack of movement I have. And I know those feelings are going to get worse as I have this surgery on Thursday and I am REALLY limited on what I can do.

Michael noted my emotional state and my angst about all this on Saturday so he made the day very special for me. He took me to lunch at Maddoxx's, we went to the movie with the kids, we planned a party for the girls, we had a fun fire outside with marshmallows and hot dogs, it was just a fun day together. He tried really hard to get me to laugh about all this and get my mind off of it. He is a great strength to me. He gave me a wonderful blessing last night that really brought a feeling of peace and comfort to my heart. I know that everything will be fine---I just don't like going through all of this. I wish that I could just get a shot and my knee would be fixed!!! What a great idea!!! I will have to work on that while I am layed up from having surgery--this time.

OUR FUN AND CRAZY FAMILY!!

 

CHANGES IN THE LIVES OF OUR CHILDREN

I look at these pictures of my children from last year and see so many changes in them. Not only physical changes but so much more. I had a dream last night that James was a little boy, about 2 years-old again. Maybe I am missing my "little boy".
He is growing into such a fine young man. He loves school and seems to love the college life at BYU. It still seems strange sometimes to think that he is only a visitor when he comes to visit us.

Kae Lee moved all of her things into her freshly painted room and slept in their for the first time last night. Brynna liked having the queen sized bed all to herself in her room. My children are growing up and making changes that let me know that they like their independence. They love to be together and they like to be alone sometimes--which is normal. Kae Lee and Brynna have shared the same room for over 12 years and it was just strange to see them in different beds last night. Kae Lee was the first one into her bed and I peaked in on her to see if she was comfortable in her new bed. The sweetest scene lay before me as I watched Kae Lee all snuggled in bed, Brynna sitting on the edge of the bed next to Kae Lee with her arm around her telling her a bedtime story. I hope they will always remember those quiet times together when they had all the time in the world to just talk about "girlie" things and they knew that those things would never be shared with anyone else. They are my crowning jewels!!!

Fall is my favorite time of the year!!!

The girls planned our FHE the other night and we decorated pumpkins that our neighbor gave to us. We had a great time coming up with creative ideas on how to decorate. Michael is very artistic---that's where our children get their artistic ability from---he did Frankenstein. Kae Lee did a BYU pumpkin, Brynna did a scary cat pumpkin, and I did a faceless bride pumpkin. I can't do faces and so I just left her to the imagination of whoever looks at her. It was a great night and a really fun activity. You are never too old to decorate pumpkins!!!